Today I was treated to a viewing of the most spectacular photos I have ever seen.
I marveled as in full colour I was presented with still shots of my gall bladder (ooooh), my apendix (ahhhh), my ovaries, my uterus, my fallopian tubes, and yes even my bladder and my colon. Surely a day such as today has never been (and hopefully never will be) experienced by one so squeamish, so disgusted, as myself.
The good news? There really isn't any. I can choose birth control for life, or get a hysterectomy. Or I can choose birth control until I wish to have another child, and then have a hysterectomy. Either way, if I don't stay on the hormones, the endometriosis will come back quickly, and the stuff that is still wrapped around my nerves like a boa constrictor will cause problems.
It bothers me that my reproductive system is systematically trying to shut down every other organ I have. Be fruitful and... decay? I really don't get it.
Sometimes it feels like a punishment, sometimes it just feels like bad luck, but mostly it just makes me angry, because my parents gave me their bad genes and I've been dealing with one stupid problem after the next since I was born. It makes me worry what I handed down to my own kids, and it certainly makes me think having another child would just be mean.
Besides all that, it makes me feel less feminine, less useful, and ugly. Now, if anyone can explain where those feelings come from, I certainly would appreciate it.
Maybe the Almighty, whose opinions have been so fluid in comments, would like to fix this already?