I've become upset with myself. My ability to process everything that has happened in the past week is mostly nonexistant. I watch the news, read the reports, listen to the radio ... all the while shaking my head and wondering how any of this can be real, how any of it is possible.

I am upset but not shattered, confused but not ruined. My heart aches but my head refuses to acknowledge the totality of the events.

And because of that, I find it very very difficult to move on. I feel trapped in a one room apartment, left to toy with unfathomable horror on my own, equipped with little more than a toddler's emotional capacity and understanding of how the world works.

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