project.chameleon

Is it possible that time has sped up and slowed down at the same exact moment?

I don't have enough time to do the things I need to do and I wish time would pass more quickly so everything in front of me would be behind me and I could wave it away with a simple shake of my hand. With each passing day, things grow more complicated and I'm stuck, stuck like a bird on an oil-laden shoreline, stuck like the animal that stares you down in the middle of the road. And I'm here to tell you, it's not such a grand feeling.

Then the fear starts in. Fear of the decisions, the choices, the road I'm on. Fear becomes an endless frozen breath that hovers in my face and refuses to disappate. With each step I take I wonder if the floor will fall out and I'll be trapped for a long time in a place beneath the world, beneath the ability to reason, beneath everything I hold so dear.

I don't like where I am right now and I'm afraid that it is going to get much, much worse before it gets any better. Thankfully, I take pleasure in the simple things that fill each day ... in the smile my children give me when I hug them each morning, the laughter that I hear when I teach my classes, the softness of my blanket against my face at night, the friends that remind me to relax, the everything that I see each time I watch the sky at night.

Without the little things, where would I be?