project.chameleon

I've just realized what's been keeping me from posting here ... I honestly don't want to share. I don't want to be open anymore, to tell everyone the thoughts that run like giddy school children through my mind. I'm not sure when this happened ... or why. But each time I have thought of posting, I become overwhelmed with the feeling that it's nobody's business what I am thinking.

This truly defies the point of having an online journal. So I've been searching myself, looking for the reason that I suddenly felt that anything I put here was going to be read and judged and become some freakish invasion of my privacy. Honestly, this whole feeling is preposterous.

I suppose some of it has to do with my desire to post positive, uplifting things ... and my lack of those things in my life lately. I don't want this to become my personal bitch page. What's the point in that?

But because my favorite math tutor mentioned I hadn't written here in a while ... here's the reader's digest version of my life.

When it rains, it pours -- freezing torrential rain that seems to drown out everything around me.

I've been very sick lately, and just about every system in my body that can malfunction, has. It's an interesting thing to watch your body breakdown. Especially when you have no idea what is wrong. I've always enjoyed stumping people, but stumping doctors isn't exactly high on my list of things-to-do. On a good note, my health is slowly returning and I feel I may be getting closer to a diagnosis, with tests lined up to poke, prod, and analyze my everything. It's really quite exciting.

I'm ready for this semester to end. I do this each semester, though. One month to go and I feel that I can't possibly stand it much longer. I think I may get out of algebra with an A, however. That's an outstanding accomplishment for me. Math has always been a struggle. Not a struggle the way some people might take it though.... in all my other classes, I can just barely pay attention and get A's. In algebra, I am forced to study somewhat. This probably just proves my laziness. I like it easy. I am actually enjoying this math class, though. I'm learning new things, and I like the way everything always fits together so nicely. But I've said all this before. Government is painfully easy, and I'm just a little bored. Next semester should prove more exciting.

I'm not sure how much longer I want to do the job I have. I teach pre-k at a Christian private school. Enough said. Actually, I love the kids -- the hours are perfect for me... but there are politics within the school that annoy me. But I suppose you have that anywhere.

Oh! Here's a newsflash. I went to a haunted park (big outdoor scaryplace) for my sister's birthday on Halloween. There were palm readers there, and she has always wanted to do that, so I paid for her. Then she demanded I do it, too. So here's what Elsa or whatever her name was, the palm reader, said about me:

I lost myself. I don't believe in myself. I'm married to a man that is too controlling, but I'll be with him for the rest of my life.

I'm happy to say my sis's report was much happier. I'm also happy to say that I don't put a lot of faith in palm readers at haunted houses.

And that, in a fairly large nutshell or three, is how my life has been lately.