project.chameleon

I have a confession to make. This is quite possibly the darkest secret I have ever shared. But I must warn you, it is ugly. What I am about to admit may shock and offend some of you. But, in the interest of being honest with myself, I have decided that it is time to come forward ... it is time to admit this terrible thing. Please, if you have a weak stomach, read no further.

I love math!

I do! I have tried to hate it -- I have done my best to ignore my true feelings... ask anyone around me, especially my sister -- and they will tell you! I am the first one to condemn math, to stand up and say there is no real use for it -- and yes, even to call all math-lovers evil. I have, for many years, lived my life in hiding.

I feared the truth.

But now, my admiration of this wonderful subject is beyond control. I must admit the truth, or die a little inside from living a lie. Math is beautiful. I honestly love taking a ridiculous string of symbols and picking them apart until they do what I want. I *love* working it forwards and backwards and seeing that yes, everything works out just fine.

I love the rules! The simplicity! The fact that once you know something, it never changes. Rules are rules, and you can use them to do just about anything you want. It's a beautiful thing. Now, I will admit that I do get frustrated with it. But what love affair is complete without a little high energy? That frustration just makes my desire to figure it out much more intense.

I used to say that there was no way I could get swept away by anything mathematical. That I could not get wrapped up in math and still be able to write, and enjoy other creative outlets. I remember when I said that math sucked up every creative bone in my body. Now I feel much differently. Now I understand that each time I struggle through a difficult problem, I am strengthening my mind. Yes, it's nice to do things that come simply -- to breeze through essays and research papers, that's lovely. I can't do that with math. I never have been able to, and I doubt that I ever will. And I still get upset, and I most likely always will. However, the important thing is this -- I don't hate it.

I respect it for what it is, and where it is taking me. I'm okay with math. And I think, that just maybe, I might get a little further ahead with it, now that I'm not so busy wanting to burn all mathematics textbooks in the world.

Unless math holds grudges. Then I'm in for some serious trouble.

Guess I'll find out soon.