3.03.2012

Beginning to Wonder



Today I (finally) picked up a copy of Wonder by R.J. Palacio. There's been such a buzz about it online recently that I've been dying to get to a store and dive in. We've talked about it in class; the kids are super eager to read it and compare it to Out of my Mind. Because of all the hubbub surrounding it, I expected greatness. What I did not expect was to be pulled nearly 30 years into my past, sucking back tears within the first few chapters.

I begin each year with my new batch of fourth grade students the same way -- the story of my very own first day of fourth grade.

Beyond any other year in school, it's my most memorable first day. It stands out above the beginning of middle or high school, and is even more vividly stamped in my brain than the first day of school in Soesterberg, The Netherlands. And being in a brand new country was pretty impressive, so I think that speaks loudly about my 4th grade memories.

Fourth grade was a year of new things: new house, new school, new state (we had just moved from Florida to Nevada); oh yeah, and one other thing -- new face.

Perhaps I left that detail out. On our family road trip that lead us to my dad's new assignment at Nellis Air Force Base, we were in the type of wreck that leaves your car flipped over on the side of the highway, resembling a small burnt-up toaster.

Fortunately, we all lived through it.
Unfortunately, half my face tried to fall off in the process.

So I began my new school as a pale, sickly, stitched up, bald spotted (head injuries are the worst, man), fraidy cat with dark circles under my eyes. I was pretty much a fourth grade zombie. That might be a point in my favor today, but back then zombies weren't exactly in.

This is the image in my head on each first day of school with my own students: staring through the window on the classroom door; one hand poised to grab the doorknob and walk in, one foot ready to tear through the school and run all the way home.

I actually love sharing this story with my students, because I think it tells them a few things about me --

  1. I know what it feels like to be different.
  2. My first goal every year is to make sure everyone feels safe socially and emotionally. All that other crazy academic stuff will fall into place after that.
  3. I'm real.
They always respond the same way -- shocked that other kids were so mean to me, amazed that I look "normal" now, and ready to share their own scary school stories. It's a great way to start -- we get all the first day of school anxiety off our chest and happily move on.

It's an important story to share, and I'm glad there are authors like Sharon Draper and R.J. Palacio willing to write it all down.  I've tinkered with my own kid-sized Frankenstein story through the years, told in various ways, wondering if it's a story worth finishing.

And I think the first few chapters of Wonder have given me my answer.

12 comments:

  1. Wow, between your post and Kevin's, I really want to read Wonder. Your writing is excellent -- very powerful... T-Dawg

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    1. Although I barely made it through the first 50 pages, it is SO very worth the read. And thank you for the compliment! :)

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  2. What a wonderful example of how your personal back story made you into who you are today - a teacher who is sensitive to the needs and fears of her students. While it may be difficult to read, you are the perfect person to share this book with your students. Yours is a story, and this is likely a book, that they won't soon forget. Thank you for helping this group of students become more sensitive to the feelings of others. And I'm #2 in line for this book in our library system - can't wait to share it with my kids!

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  3. I think that our personal experiences very much shape who we are as educators. I think that being able to share this story with your students says so much - and I'm sure it makes a difference.
    So interesting that you ended up teaching fourth grade - did you choose it or was it just fate?
    I think your story in print would be powerful - and definitely worth pursuing.

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    1. There's a heavy emphasis on writing in 4th grade, so I knew that was where I belonged -- the fact that it also happened to be such a pivotal year in my own childhood just made the fit that much better! :) And thanks for the comment on my own story -- Wonder definitely has my storytellin' wheels turning again!

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  4. I'm sort of embarrassed because I am here in Birmingham with Sharon Draper and I haven't read Out of My Mind yet. (She just read us parts of it this afternoon). But in my head, I thought: that sounds like a companion piece to Wonder. And here you are, writing about that very thing.
    :)
    Kevin

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    1. They go SO well together -- go get that book, man! :)

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  5. Love that you share this with your students. My mom taught third grade for 23 years. She retired last year. She taught me that all that students want to know on the first day is that you will care about them. I try and make that obvious every year. By sharing yourself with your students you are welcoming them in with open arms. And WONDER is one of my favorite books of the year.

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  6. What a powerful and intimate part of your own life story to share with students. I've heard so much about Wonder, and your slice has made me really want to read it. Bravo to you, for your courage, your kindness, and your great writing. (P.S. Your 'who i am' page is so much fun to read!)

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  7. Thank you for sharing. I also picked up the book this weekend and have started to read it with a little bit of my own understanding into the character's reality. My almost four year old has a port wine stain on his face. I see the stares and whispers. I'm so thankful for my son's courage and stubborn personality as he endures the questions and stares. I'm looking forward to digging further into this book.

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    1. I hear you, Jessica. Growing up on the receiving end of stares and whispers breeds a special type of strength that has carried me through a rather upside-down twisty-turny life. I often wonder if I would be quite so "me" as I am today had our family never been in that accident. And the stares and whispers do get easier to take -- honest. :)

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  8. Thank you guys so much for all the wonderful comments! I love the conversation that can open up from a well told story, and Wonder has definitely done that here!

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