Thank God the weekend is here.
This has been one mixed-up-topsy-turvy-upside-down-and-inside-out week. Family has been in and out and here and gone. Emotions have ranged from anger to hysteria, joy to despair.
This has been an incredible week.
Today was an appropriate cake topper. Although work has been as close to a disaster as can be, I remain optimistic. In just a few hours, I can go home and get ready for the weekend. The boys will be camping and learning all about being good boy scouts, and I plan to sink into some relaxation in Austin. I'm only coming back in time for my workshop Sunday night.
Monday morning will be a new week -- school should be back to normal, all my relatives will be back in their homes, and life goes on. It's also my court date, where an ending becomes a beginning, and my turn at a fresh start can truly begin.
Last night I sat in a bedroom and rocked a screaming boy in my arms, my tears pouring from my face to soak his hair. I didn't know I could cry that much anymore. If I could reach inside him and warm his soul, I would. If I could take away every ounce of pain he feels, I would do it. This is an ache I can't heal, a wound I can't tend. Only time will get him past the sadness he feels. I pray he knows how much he is loved. I pray that as he grows he will thrive and not become bitter. I pray that God warms his soul, since I cannot do it myself.
Looking ahead, I don't know what to expect. Monday thrusts me into my new life as my children try to hold onto our old one. I think a middle ground can be found, but it's going to take a lot of exploration.
In the meantime, I've finally (really!) made a budget and am sticking to it. Mostly because I have no money to spend. There's something rather humbling about rolling coins for gas money. But if I stick to it, I'll be straight by December. And what's up for the new year?
Mission work in Costa Rica.
Who could possibly say God isn't good?
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