project.chameleon

Home, though I feel Ozzish and unsure of many things.

Lately I've wanted to restructure and simplify my life. I want to take my kids out of school and homeschool them. I want to go find some Amish village and give up all this modern whozamawhatzit or move to Colorado and live in the mountains and pretend everyone else has disappeared.

A long time past psychologist told me that it's typical of OCD patients to want to run away to Alaska. I don't have OCD but I have always wanted to go to Alaska and see the Northern Lights, which I have never seen. Remember Aurora? Some of you might. Someone told me that sometimes you can see the Northern Lights from Lake George. I want to see that. There's so much I want to do.

I took a stress quiz at this seminar. I didn't score in the "seek help immediately" range, but I definitely need to seek help. I wonder how long I can wait until my stress level overflows and bad things happen. Hopefully I can atleast wait for 12 days, because that's when my next appointment is with help. Help is a funny thing, always needed but rarely readily accessible.

Lately:
A truck that had printed on its backend "MILK: THE UDDER UNCOLA" made me burst into a fit of giggles.
Reruns of Mad About You made me desire to have someone follow myself and someone else around all day, everywhere we go, taking candid black and white photos of us.
I realized that I definitely will not be able to be a director for more than a year.
A soccer photographer oggled me to the point of weirdness.
I dreampt I sang karaoke ina nightclub for money.
Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon became my new favoite childrens book.
Lou became a desired nickname. Or perhaps Lulu.
The desire for a child became unbearable, until I remembered how selfish it was, and how unfair it is to bring kids into this world.
The need to get passports for myself and my children became tremendously important.
The next person that threatens me or tells me exactly how to live my life or what to do could very possibly be shot or forgotten as if they never existed. Why do people think it's a good idea to give ultimatums to a person that's already dead?

That's it. Really really.