12.20.2001

I'm sorry. I never meant to be such a girlie girl. I never planned to fall in love with being a girl. I promise. It wasn't in my plan.

I have so many bottles of bath bubbles and shower gels that they fill the entire space beneath my bathroom sink. They line the wall on my bathtub. They have crowded into the shower. I refuse to count them on the basis that I don't want to know how bad it really is.

The counter in my bathroom is lined with lotions and body sprays and facial cleansers and ... well, you get the point.

Is this really necessary?

But it doesn't stop there. I light candles and play soft music and drink wine ... all by myself. I love sunsets and flowers and shiny things.

Like a damn seagull.

And as much as I say I've lost my ability to believe anything is possible, it lingers there still, this little ember of hope ... waiting on me.

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