My computer crashed, and therefore I am forced to use the laptop. The laptop makes a point of trying to make my life a living hell. My eyes hurt, my fingers feel cramped, and I can't get my music working correctly.

Oh yeah, I'm incredibly bitchy tonight. Imagine that.

Amusingly enough, I have a few people I feel the need to mention. Because without them, who knows where I would be right now. It's wonderful that in the face of my ever-crumbling sanity, I have a couple people in this world that still believe in me. And let me whine without saying I am a whiner. Brian has become my quasi-math tutor via IMs. He actually sits here (well, there, I guess) and lets me go through the problems step by step, until I figure out what I have done wrong. (One time I multiplied 5 & 2 and fot 25. Whew, I'm good.) He really has saved me from hyperventilating many times already. There is nothing I can ever do to repay this kindness. I find it beautiful that he takes time away from his day, to make time for MATH with me. What a dear.

And then there is Chris. I'm not completely certain I can even describe what he has done for my state of mind lately. All I can say is that I hope everyone knows someone like him. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to change the world. He makes me believe it really IS possible.

I am pretty hyped because Friday I get to go to a presentation on primatology. The woman giving it worked along side Jane Goodall. I have nearly all Goodall's books. In fact, before I became a family woman, I had hoped to one day work within the program she instituted. Meeting a woman that knows her is a pretty big deal to me. I'll be sure to ramble on about the presentation, later this weekend.

Obviously, this entry is void of anything worthwhile. I'm in a slump. I can't force myself to get into my classes, I am avoiding any social engagements possible, and I'm wrestling with TOO many feelings of inadequacy. My sis says this is my annual September depression. Last September, it lasted until January. I can feel it, too ... that grating grip across the back of my mind, trying to yank me down. I feel as if I am treading water ... and losing ground. I don't want to sink. To sink is to admit weakness ... and I don't want to be weak. I want, just once, to have the strength to keep my head above the water.

I have so much I want to say, so many things I have noticed in the world around me .. that scream out to be commented upon.

Unfortanately, I lack the energy to comment.

No comments:

Post a Comment