I'm sitting here waiting.
My sister is on her way over. We're going out. I'm sure that I'm supposed to be bursting with joy or something. Actually, I'm a little annoyed with it. Or maybe I'm more annoyed with myself. I did my hair and make-up, and picked out the perfect outfit.
Then I sat down and felt extremely silly. I'm always ranting to everyone I know -- especially the girls of my best friend, about how appearance doesn't matter. Be who you are, I always tell them. Don't worry about the right shade of lipstick, and forget the blow dryer, just be yourself. Be comfortable with you, sans decor. So sitting here with lined-lips, I feel like the biggest hypocrite ever. I honestly don't think I need any make-up. I really feel okay with my face, au natural. So what's the big deal?
In government this week, we got into a discussion about whether or not it is possible for ONE person to make a difinitive change on society. One person. Think about that for a moment. Can you imagine yourself doing something SO amazing, that it results in a change of government policy, popular opinion, or the views of society? It almost seems too daunting, to me. A guy in my class said that there is nothing to fight for anymore, that it's not like back in the 60's when people had a cause to unite for.
That upset me. We have nothing to join together for? What a sad statement. Most of the class seemed to agree with him, however. There is no one thing that we, as American's, feel strongly enough about, to fight for. So, apparently the homeless, the drug problem, child abuse, rape, sexual discrimination, racial discrimination, polution, crime and the education system aren't important. SO sorry to anyone effected by these things, but we don't care. You know, we have TV to watch (You didn't miss the season finale to Survivor, did you!?). I'm sure that the children beaten to a pulp from single mom's that can't get a job don't mind at all that we find it more important to guzzle beer on Friday nights than getting involved in our communities. Afterall, these things aren't our problems, right? Ugh. What a horrible view to have.
It nearly made me cry. And bursting into tears in class isn't high on my list of things to do. I do believe one person can make a difference. I don't think you have to do anything spectacular, either. I think you make a difference by the way you live your life. Not always by the things you do -- you don't have to be rallying for peace on Capitol Hill. You don't need to be living an extreme life. But you DO have to be yourself. You have to stand up for what you believe in, and never let the pressures from society get in the way of that.
So tonight, when I go out, I'm going out free of make-up. And I'm dressing to be comfy. I don't care if I'm not the best looking girl in the place. I'll be me. And for once, I'll feel right. I've always felt like a clown with paint on my face. Why do we, as women, choose to hide our faces behind masks? Why do magazines choose 14 year old skeletons to model business clothes marketed for the powerful corporate woman? I don't know.
But I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I'm still working on figuring myself out.
And at least I'm able to admit that much. And maybe this is a small step towards standing up for more important things. I don't know that, either. But I do know, that next time those girls ponder their own body image, I can speak up, and not be a hypocrite.
And I think that's a start.
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