"I'll probably vomit, you know.”
I say this to my husband,
avoiding eye contact.
I had just shared my student’s
comments about publishing my writing with my husband, who just nods and smiles
knowingly, as he's been trying to get me to send things out for publication for
months. His smirk of a smile irritates me, and I roll my eyes.
"You don't know how hard it
is!" I say. "There's research! And you have to write query letters
and find the right people to send it to! It doesn't just happen
And still he smiles.
Stupid smiling husband who thinks
he knows everything.
And it's not as if I've never looked
into it. I follow author blogs! I read agent and publisher websites! I know
things, for goodness sakes!
I've been to the website for the SCBWI so many times I have their logo burned
into my retinas. I haven't joined, because, you know, then I'd feel like I
should go to the critique groups and then I'd have to actually share
my writing with people.
Yes! With people! Is there
anything more horrifying than that?
He doesn't even look at me.
"At least it'd give you
something new to write about."
"I mean it! And I'd cry! I'd
go to share my stuff, start crying, throw up, and die of embarrassment. Right
there, on the floor of the super awesome writer's meeting."
He sort of half glances at me.
"It could happen," I
say. I force my smile to rein itself in. Even I know I'm being ridiculous, but
if he sees me smile, he wins this round.
He sets his book in his lap,
stroking his chin thoughtfully. "It could happen, I guess. They might kick
you out for that. I probably would. But then you could write a new book about
all the mean people, and it would be so good they would buy it and you could
laugh at them!"
He wins. I can't help it; I'm
laughing even though I don't want to.
But this publishing thing is just
a fiasco. Have you ever seen those TV shows where some crazy dude is trying to
solve a murder on his own, so he has approximately 800 yards of yarn strung
back and forth all over a room connecting one newspaper clipping to another,
with maps and headlines and big bold circles around the important bits?
Yeah. That's how I feel when I
peek out from behind the curtain and view the big bad world of publishing.