project.chameleon

Today was almost the best day.
Today I wore clothes I haven't worn in 6 months.
Today my boys were angels and did everything just right.
Today I finished projects at work that had to be done by tomorrow.
Today was so close to perfection.

I'm thankful for all the blessings in my life. I just told Elvis this morning that I feel as if God's hand is constantly upon me, and all the things that could be bothersome seem to work themselves out just in the knick of time. I know I am blessed, I feel it daily. If I weren't, how could I drive through this silly old town and beam from ear to ear -- happy that this is my home, this is my safe haven, this is where I am because God had an amazing plan for my life and finally ... just in the knick of time, I am figuring it out.

However!

This afternoon Numero Dos became sick. I couldn't leave work right away, and so he was forced to lie on a mat in my office until I was able to get away. Of course, this being the night for the boys to see their dad, he was upset that he was sick and would need to stay home. Then Numero Uno followed suit. He wasn't running fever, however, and so I let him go.

Now, let's investigate my worthiness as a mother: Uno is sorta-sick, but he has asthma which always intensifies any illness. So I'm pretty sure he'll be ubersick by morning. Their father lives in a house with his mother, his girlfriend, and two of her children. Yeah. That became fun right after they told me Elvis could spend the night and sleep in my bed, because that's what their dad does with his girlfriend. Try explaining to a 7 and 9 year old why something their father does isn't actually a good idea. Oi.

But I digress.

So I send Sickly Uno to their trailer, which they smoke in. A lot. I know they do even though they say they don't because each time my little guys come home, I get a nicotine high. Tonight was no exception. Uno walks into the house hacking up a lung and is currently taking a breathing treatment because no one in that house seems to understand that smoke and asthma aren't a winning combination.

And I sent him to that.

An attempt was made to talk to Mr. Lifsey about his lackluster concern for Uno's health -- and I even did it diplomatically, I promise -- but he was apparently too busy riding around town with his buddy, and so he decided he would call me back another time.

To make all of this even better -- this is the boys weekend to go see him. But they're sick. And there's the smoke issue, which is just one problem of many in that house. Sadly, Lifsey seems to feel that I have crazy high standards that no one can reach. In fact, as I told him I understood that he felt I was being obstinate, he told me he had no idea what that meant and I needed to "dumb it down" so he wouldn't need to go "look it up in a dictionary."

Wow.

May God help us all. And honestly -- I have been praying for their household every day. Nice prayers! I'm not asking for broken limbs or anything. I am seriously trying to have a kind heart.

But when my 10 year old comes home and needs a breathing treatment because he was surrounded by smokers in a house that should be safe for him, it's difficult.