But the great thing about mud is this: when it dries, it hardens.
Truly, I had forgotten how quickly that switch is flipped. Without a moment to be sad about it, without a chance to choose, one second there are tears and the next there is an empty understanding. Something that toggles without recognition, something so subtle that I can only look back and wonder when it began.
Tomorrow I make my first attempt at interviewing assistants, calling creditors, calling lawyers, and calling for some sort of sanity in my life. Tomorrow I also give my son his first dose of metadate, against my better judgement, because I'm lacking answers, hoping this is right. Tomorrow in the evening, for the first Wednesday in a while, I have no plans aside from the plan to do nothing but lie in bed with my kids and play PS2. There is a lot vested in tomorrow.
There is also a general thankfulness that this is a three day weekend. Sadly, the children will be gone, but I have plans for 48 hours of sleep and at least one outing to the movies.
Also, the survey results will be up by this weekend, and if you don't remember which survey I'm too tired to remind you.