"Until you lose everything ... and are down at the bottom, you don't know how I feel."

But I've been there.

"No, you haven't, but one day you will be."

As much as we've been through, I would never wish pain and complete and total loss to Randy. But he just did that to me. I can't stop shaking and my chest feels like something is trying to force its way up up and out, like maybe, just maybe... my heart wants to be bigger but instead collapses upon itself.

If I could just breathe again, I think everything would be all right.

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