I've always hated the phrase "there are no words to describe", because I feel there should always be the words to describe how you're feeling. There should always be a way to capture that emotion and scribble it down on paper and slip it into a glass bottle that you can save forever. If this were true, though, I would have a closet full of glass bottles filled with crinkled papers. I would have words to look back on and remember each moment, every decisive trial I've been through.
But I'm finding that sometimes there simply are no words. There is only pain. Or joy. Whatever emotion you may be feeling at that highest pivotal moment. That is the moment when words fall to the floor, abandoned for raw, naked emotion. That is the moment when instinct takes over and everything else is left behind.
Still, I want to capture that in words. I want to own it, remember it forever.
Even the bad times. The moments when I sit here wondering what the point of it all is. The times I cry myself to sleep because there is no supreme comfort sweeping down to envelope me in warmth.
Sometimes, there are only these feelings. And the words fail me, because my heart aches and my mind becomes blurred.
And I wonder how it ever got to this point, at all.