project.chameleon

Nifty weekend -- I went and hung out with my sis and her boyfriend. They made me a yummy dinner and we went to see O Brother, Where Art Thou? so I am now going to have to read Homer's Odyssey all over again. It was neat to see how the two fit together, but I was irritated by the fact that it had been SO long since I read that I couldn't place everything. I feel I did fairly well since I haven't read that since I was 13. So we're talking about more than 10 years, and I remembered quite a bit. Go me, or something.

I also got to see some nifty anime called Trigun. It was special. Well, it was funny.

I love spending time with my sister. She is my foil, I think. We had a discussion about heroes, and though we both consider each other heroes, we have different levels of heroism. I found out that I am not up there on her hero list as high as Hellen Keller and Courtney Love. Uhm? Yeah, Courtney Love beat me on my own sister's list of people to admire.

I had a difficult time thinking of people I admire. This really got me thinking -- because there are people I personally know that I admire, but unlike her, I don't have a list of celebrities or past historical figures that I look up to. There are plenty of people whose work I admire. Maya Angelou has always held a special place in my heart, and knowing just a tiny bit of her life, I have always looked up to her. When I was younger, Florence Nightengale was a childhood hero. Now I can't even rememeber why. Amelia Earhart was also, for her courage. But now I can't think of anyone else.

And that bothers me. I feel like I am supposed to have a long list of idols, ready to recite them for anyone that might possibly want to know.

I wonder if it says much that anyone I have ever looked up to has been a strong woman. I wonder if other women have male role-models. And I wonder, also, if it says anything that about 98% of the music I listen to is all by female artists. I even seek out female authors (And I must say here, that my sister REFUSES to read female authors because they write "too girly"), artists, and ... even female doctors. As a child, when I was thrust into therapy, I refused to speak with male therapists.

Okay, so I am trying to close men completely out of my life, as if they don't exist? What is the deal, here? I really don't have an explanation.

Sometimes, I guess there just isn't one.